LOsT

"Life's what you make it." Who said it, what does it mean? I don't know, I'm saying it because he said it and it sort of helps unravel my current tiff. Ermh... Yeah.. It's a... I...
You know what let's start from the beginning. I'm at a crossroads. This isn't your regular crossroads though. More of a cacoon than crossroads really. I'm in the middle, facing multiple exits. So I'm here thinking, everybody gets two, why don't I get two?. Two would be so much easier to choose from.

How I ended up in the middle?? Well I fell. And I hit the ground hard. Might have broken a bone or two. I guess that's life's reality check or something. I don't know but I definitely felt the reality. And that's how I got in the middle.  Right, the crossroads, how do they offer any sufficient or represent something in life.. allow moi to elaborate.

It starts in church. I'm standing, sitting, clapping you know; that's standard procedure but at the back of my head apart of me is just wondering when it's going to end so I can go do something else. I just wasn't feeling 'it' that day. And don't judge me, I know you've done it before but you just afraid to admit to it. And that will be the first road.

And what is up with the time around here. One minute you're sixteen enjoying a power nap, relishing in the fact that you don't got shit to do and the next you're nineteen... Facing career decisions and what not. mahn! How time flies. Sometimes  you just wanna take that permanent light out you know. Okay maybe not permanent. I'm not that depressed.... or am I?? Hmmm.

I might get sent to a rehab centre and involve myself in some trust exercises. Imagine that.. The instructor says, " l want everyone to take in a deep breath, place your right hand on your chest and say I'm in control, I can do this."
"Now I want everybody to reach out to the person next to them and squeeze them. C'mon don't be shy. Just, whoever is beside you, reach, grab and squeeze."
Now I don't know about you but I know what I'm gonna squeeze. *laughter*

You see what I mean... Argh.. mm. Yeah.. crossroads. So you're there and I'm sure you've asked yourself this before. Where do I see myself in five years? Let it sink in for a moment.
Some might have jobs, I'm saying some because I'm being real here; I mean ask yourself what you'll do after graduation.. hmph... Aha! See?
Most of you will have kids and let's face facts, many disregard opportunity. Not me though. I've got this shit mapped out- STRONG!!  back-ups on back-ups. Got a plan A , B , Dee and a mastered improvision.. #Cocky * with my tongue out*

A while ago I had a daydream. This big dude stands up and says, " yo I've got some business ideas, some really good ones. Might not even have to graduate cos I'll be making soo much money. Who's gonna follow my fife?"
And this little skinny guy says ," oh shut the fuck up."
Hmm, you know that's neat... Have something going before you actually complete varsity.. that's - that's just brilliant but that's not the point.

The main point is the skinny guy told the big dude to shut the fuck up and nobody gasped. Shaking my head...
* deeply exhales*  what if I'm just lost. Something to think about over dinner. Anyway so as my stomach began to rumble I knew this epiphany had to end...
The sacrifices, compromises, the studies, parties, drunken mornings.. Life's what you make it.

Anyway crossroads. What now? Which road do I take. You know maybe I should just stay there for a while. Someone will come for me. Somebody usually does?. You may be thinking if I had a better start, my ledger might be shining bright, I might be somewhere other than where I am. NIGGA? Have you seen Usian Bolt running before. He never has a good start but still ends up first: always on top.

You might learn a thing or two from him. And one of them should be weed. * laughter* . But seriously, that might very well be the key to some of your problems. Think abouti t.

                                                *CREDITS*

Pfff.
»Thank you all.. it really feels good to let it out and not to keep it inside. This is the stuff that kills people, right after woman, AIDS and drugs.
Yeah. Feels good, really takes the poison outta your body, you feel lighter.

Food for thought: All this conundrum started with light, a sharp breath and a loud cry, I wonder, will it end the same?.....