Shower Thoughts.

Now I don't really know what you are expecting but you can keep them to ermh..well with whom or wherever that's not me...no offence.. now let's begin.. it was a cold and sunny..(yes cold and sunny because the British weather is unique and stress-fully annoying that way) Wednesday morning...well if you consider 2 in the afternoon morning..well it's morning for me anyway. So as I laid in the tub, looking to the ceiling, it hit me(not the ceiling, just to clarify) :"why do people care about what others think of them?"  Is it because they feel that their perspective of them will change immensely? Or maybe some of us are hypocrites, apprehensive of our slowly deteriorating facade as we are slowly being exposed for who we really are. I think the lot of you are just major ass kissers. That's why people's opinions concerning you matter to you. I mean a high recommendation is allowed. Constructive criticism? Why not? But c'mon...I swear I have the strangest thoughts when I'm in the bathroom.

 Anyways let me  put lies on the spot for a minute. Ohhh god.. all the lies I've told, where do i even begin? But, more importantly, the lies told to me. I mean I've been fed lies since infancy. Now lets not get the wrong idea of my childhood here because it is undeniable that we've all been showered with a lie or two. Remember the time your parents told you you can be anything when you grow up yet proceeded to carefully construct your future and carefully dictate your decisions. Or when they'd tell you to do this and you'll get this when indeed it was merely an attempt to please themselves at all costs,(come to think of it I think I can relate to how annoying I might have been to irritate my parents to the extent of reconsidering whether or not to reward me lmao). Or when they said "focus on your education, when you get to university, the girls will come." OK maybe that last one doesn't apply for all of you lol. Anyway boy were those fat ass lies. Okay maybe not the last part, that one is actually true. They came like a pack of bitches and that, kids, is what I call word play. You know what, to be honest, I don't really see them as lies. I regard them as some sort of encouragement or words of faith spoken into your life. And those lies, I mean words, have shaped us into what we are today. Therefore I say thank you to all parents for the brave lies they shoved down our naive and gullible throats.
As a kid I kept wishing, wishing to be older, and I must admit...this shit was not what I expected. And they say this is living the life, hahaha....*sigh*..playing football has always been childhood dream of mine for as long as I can remember , a dream that sadly never made it out the front porch. It pains me to write this... the stadium, the screaming fans, the goals.. the chills. but like everything else i guess I lost interest... fucking football fanatics.

You ever look to the skies at night, see that very bright star and imagine it was you? well i'm looking at one right now and I mu- My god!!!!? these fucking mosquitoes are biting me. Don't they ever get tired? damn!! they just ruined my moment. That thin line between optimistic and naive, young black and gifted, forced into this world, a blessing although and I know that I may be thinking low of myself but sometimes it's okay to contradict yourself, asks yourself questions, all these contribute to the makings an individual.

Did some tech and started missing the art. When I'm in the house I'm mad I'm not outside. When I'm outside I'm mad I'm not in the house. Last week I got the girl that i always wanted, she drove me crazy, got sick of her and that was it. When you're down and you get sick of people giving you the run around but then remember how good it feels to know who really gives a shit. Searching for what we never had, always ignoring what is in-front of our face. And then there's the girls, its late, I come over, and then you ask what now , I mean c'mon  I'd expect that you are at least   be familiar with the paradigm by now. Trying to stop using profane but its the only thing that makes the point you know. I guess what I'm really saying is that the grass is always greener on the other side, always looking for another high.

*SIGH*... Trust. Who can you trust? Like really ask yourself who? I always say I don't have friends, just people I know hahahaha. I regard the matter of trust similar to the case of a blind person trusting the devil to hold and take you across the highway to hell. This life, hard to tell someone you love them when they always have a earpiece on.

Is a crystal ball revealing the future too much to ask? Sometimes life is like a treadmill. You can see yourself moving, but in reality you're merely stuck in the same spot, one of life's illusions I guess. One man, faced with all these struggles, like school wasn't bad enough. Now you gonna dump all this on me and give me one hell of a conundrum. god whyyy, like I know you got a plan to make me great and don't get me wrong I appreciate it a lot, but it's hard. Even harder to stop something when you getting it for free and yet quitting is so easy.

Yeah it's selfish because I think of myself first, like there's something wrong with loving myself?
Why isn't everyone born with a silver spoon in their mouth? Because honestly that would make everything just a bit more easier.
What if we could start all over again? That'd be nice now wouldn't it?